When the city begins to clean up the sludge in the bottom of the south lagoon in the coming weeks, Hattiesburg is expected to have a higher than normal stinch resulting from the sludge removal. Always looking to turn a negative into a positive, Mayor Dupree announced that Hattiesburg will begin its first annual Fart Carnival. Dupree issued a statement to the press that stated, “I know the city has stunk to high heaven since I was elected and signed that terrible deal with USA Yeast, but we should embrace the stench, create an industry around it, and build jobs.”
Mayor Johnny Dupree sat down with the Hattiesburg Patriot to discuss his plans.
HP: Mayor, how did you come up with this idea?
Mayor: Well, I was sitting down with City Attorney Charles Lawrence for lunch one day, and the odor hit me. I almost vomited; then the idea came to me.
HP: So the lagoons were acting up again?
Mayor: No, Charles farted, and it smelled worse than the lagoons. Heck, my eyes even watered, but the light bulb went off, and the idea came into my head that we should have a Fart Carnival and promote it like Live at Five. Maybe would could do a Fart at Five, tie it in with that.
HP: That sounds a little strange if you ask me, Mayor.
Mayor: Well, it does; I realize that, but I bet you didn’t know one of my favorite essays was by Benjamin Franklin titled “Fart Proudly”. Instead of just complaining about the smell in Hattiesburg, I decided we need to capitalize on it.
HP: I don’t know if I think this is a good idea. Why not address the smell?
Mayor: It’s easier to do nothing and capitalize on the problem. This carnival will be something spectacular. We are going to have a red beans and rice cook off to kick off the festivities Feb 15. That evening, the games will be opened with the Lighting of the Fart ceremony. I will be lighting John Brown’s fart to kick off the Fart Games. He’s darn good at it. Plus we will have numerous competitions, and entertainment. Mr. Methane is even going to be there, and he has some skills.
HP: Is Mr. Brown doing this willingly?
Mayor Dupree: Hell no, but I pay him $50,000 a year, which makes him the most overpaid man in government; so he does what I tell him to do. If I want the man lighting farts, he’s going to light farts. It’s that simple. If I wasn’t running for re election, I’d light my own farts. I mean, who doesn’t love to fart?
HP: What’s that smell?
Mayor Dupree: It must be my legacy.
Mr. Methane to attend 1st Annual Hattiesburg Fart Carnival