I look at the clock on the oven. It’s 9:44 a.m. Just one more minute until I can see the results. I pace the floor to keep from staring at the time before reluctantly looking down at the test on the kitchen table. It’s positive.
I have COVID-19.
I glance down at the test trip again, yet again still positive. I walk back to the couch and get under the covers. I will be here for a while.
“Time slows down when you are not bound to your to-do list,” Terrence Z. Johnson writes. “You are alone with yourself: The thoughts, fears, and concerns you avoid.” Photo by Terrence Z. Johnson Slow Down: Create Space for Life
The pandemic forced most of us to live in isolation or separation from people. The world stopped, and we had to face ourselves. Although we have returned to “normal,” life is still different.
I avoided COVID-19 for two years, but caught it this year after I came home to attend our family reunion. My symptoms made me miserable, but I’m grateful they weren’t severe. One consistent feeling I had was exhaustion. My energy levels kept dropping and forced me to lie down. Lying down or being idle makes me feel lazy and unproductive. Yet, doing nothing can be refreshing.
Time to rest is often seen as a luxury. Most people cannot afford to pause for a moment. It can appear impossible to breathe while having responsibilities, commitments and obligations—a heaviness that does not subside.
For the last two years, I have been in constant transition. In August 2020, I left Jackson in search of a fresh start. Establishing yourself in a new place can be frightening. When life seems unpredictable, it is vital to have non-negotiables for yourself. One activity I do is nature walks. No matter what life brings, spending time outside settles my mind and helps me ground myself.
Whenever I visited home, I was in a rush—a rush to see people, a rush to leave, a rush to finish something. COVID made me take the break I so desperately needed.